Comparison Trap

Comparing has seemingly become commonplace in our lives but we were never designed that way.

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Comparing is something we all do. And we tend to compare ourselves to those who have more, not less, than us. Unknowingly, this can cause a lot of pain.

One of the worst platforms for this is social media.

There is a study done to quantify how exposure to social media affects people’s moods.

Researchers at two universities tracked students who are regular social media users over two weeks by having them complete life satisfaction surveys five times a day.

After the students spent time on social media their surveys showed that they were considerably less satisfied and more critical of their own lives than they were before.

It also indicated that a little more than one third of the individuals felt significantly worse about themselves the more time they spent on social media.

Bottom line is that comparing our lives to others isn’t helpful.

Then why compare?

Comparisons are a normal part of human cognition and can be good for self-improvement. When we compare ourselves to others, we get information about what we want and where we want to be, and we get valuable feedback on how we measure up.

When we compare ourselves to others and want what they have, we can use that information to explore what is possible for us. We can use comparisons to set new goals, seek new feedback, and try new things.

We can also use this information against ourselves.

When we compare ourselves to others, want what they have, and feel bad, we have turned comparisons against ourselves. We take the measure that we observed and judge ourselves for the lack. We make it mean something bad about us. This is the comparison trap. Similarities and differences are no longer used to provide opportunity for self-improvement but rather self-deprecation.

This is not how we are designed at the highest level.

However, it is how we are wired.

The human lower brain is wired to keep us safe and is programmed to respond to negative thoughts. That includes the words we say out loud in addition to our internal negative self-talk. Negative thoughts and words can be very believable and they distort our perception about ourselves.

We compare and we feel bad about who we are.

When we are at peace with what we have, how we look, what is going on, we feel good.

But the moment we want something others have, it can affect us in a negative way.

The desire to have material or financial things, relationships that others have, or wanting similar circumstances is all part of the human condition. Turning it against ourselves is not.

The truth is, our longing for more never stops. How can we manage the comparison trap?

Here are 3 practical ways:

1) Celebrate other people’s successes

When someone gets what you hoped to get, celebrate with them and for them. Instead of thinking about why you should have gotten what they did, think about how it will positively influence their life.

The benefit here is that it changes us when we celebrate others successes. It changes the posture of your heart and affects how you show up in your life. When you can’t celebrate others, you limit yourself in celebrating yours.

When you can celebrate with others you think differently, you transform your mind. Changing your mind and changing your thought patterns to line up with what you want in life. You will have greater access to your potential.

2. Be content with who you are

Your gifts, your talents, your resources, your experiences. You are prepared to do what you are meant to do. So own it. Own who you are and not who you wish or wanted to be. Know who you are so you know who you don’t have to be. Comparisons always have us trying to be someone else.

It’s in your uniqueness that you get to live your life, your way.

3) Practice gratitude

Comparing is resenting the goodness in other people’s lives and ignoring the goodness in yours. Using the proverbial phrase, “Is the glass half empty or half full?”how you see it matters. We all know people who believe every day brings trouble. They can’t see the goodness in their lives. And then there are those who find joy in the little things.

Let me ask you this. Are people who are miserable living in the same day as the people with a happy heart? Of course they are! The difference is in what they are looking for. Unhappy people look for trouble and they find it. Let’s be honest, we can find a lot of trouble in our world today. But people with a happy heart are looking for goodness, and guess what, they find it.

Comparison has us looking for something we wish we had which causes us to miss out on what we do have. You have blessings in your life, I challenge you to find them. And you will. Because there is so much to be thankful for.

• There’s family and friends.

• There’s music and good hair days.

• There’s cake and uncontrollable laughter.

You want to want to know more about how to avoid the comparison trap? I’ve got you covered:

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