Default Patterns of Thinking
Mantra for repeat offenders / shifting old programming
“What if there is no problem? It’s just what I’m used to thinking and feeling.”
B-I-N-G-O
You can step back and watch what is happening for you by creating space between you and your thoughts.
Learn to play the game.
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What happens when you are in the middle of a “big problem”? Your brain lights up with all the ways things have gone wrong.
And when that happens, your body lights up too because what happens in the brain plays out in the body.
The brain then uses what is happening in the body as evidence that there is a problem. And you stay in the loop. Thoughts run on repeat. Your body is in a permanent state of tension.
The other day I was on the porch watching my kid ride off on his bike. He was going to play with friends. I had the thought: “I’m alone”.
A moment later I found myself in the middle of, what I can only describe as, a shame storm.
What just happened?
I was curious. I grabbed a piece of paper and madly wrote down everything that came to mind. It started with “I’m alone”, then “No one wants to be with me”... (fill in the blanks) … “because I’m not good enough”.
I kept going. I re-read each sentence and added a corresponding emotion. I now had a list of negative emotions to match. I got to feel rejected, dismissed, abandoned and judged in a matter of seconds.
AKA shame storm!
No wonder I felt terrible.
Research shows that when we are in a high emotional state, we have limited access to our prefrontal cortex – aka limited access to solutions.
Once the intensity of emotions passed, I remembered that I had recently canceled plans with someone else because I was hoping for some down time.
I WANTED to be alone.
Then why does this happen?
The human brain is always active, collecting and sorting information for rapid recall. For me, “I’m alone” triggered a set of thoughts that all felt the same way, and when triggered, they came in rapid fire.
The human brain is designed to have default patterns of thinking ready to activate should the need arise. If you were in actual danger, you would now be ready to attack or run and hide.
But what if there is no danger?
This is where the bingo card comes in.
How to break down big problems into little thoughts:
Use the grid of a bingo card
Fill the blocks in with your thoughts about the problem
In each block, add the corresponding emotion
Keep your card handy
By writing down all your thoughts and feelings in the squares, you create the space needed (between you and your thoughts/emotions) to slow your brain down and see what is happening. You can see the default pattern of thoughts on recall by your brain.
You also have a list corresponding emotions that you experience when you are thinking those thoughts. Your brain interprets the experience of emotions as a problem and continues to offer the default pattern of thoughts to support you getting out of danger. The thoughts repeat. The body continues to respond.
Writing things down creates space between you and your thoughts/feelings.
Now watch what happens.
Take your bingo card and place a marker on each block that is called in your mind/body.
Notice how many blocks can fill without you going into a shame storm.
Notice how many blocks are filled when you do.
With awareness, less and less will trigger, more and more will neutralize.
Eventually the bingo card will be just a bingo card, a record of how much you have overcome.
You want to want to know more about how to survive a shame storms unscathed? I’ve got you covered:
Sign up for a FREE Discovery Call and learn how default patterns of thinking are designed to keep you safe and how to upgrade them. I promise you “Aha!” moments, practical strategies, short-term relief and long-term resilience. I can’t wait to help you get started.
