Overwhelm
This is my third day of trying to write this post about how we are not our thoughts and I finally gave into a wave of frustration and started to cry. I played right into it. I started to cry and kept crying. Through the tears I was saying things like ‘I just can't get my thoughts out on paper’ ‘My thoughts don’t flow’ ‘I don’t have anything useful to say’ ’If I can’t do this, how am I ever going to get this off the ground.’
It is not often that I play into this–act out what I’m thinking in my head–but I got to the point where swimming in overwhelm didn't feel like swimming. It felt like drowning.
I had spent over 10 hours, over the course of 3 days, sitting at my computer with the intention of writing my next post. I had one document open. I would move my cursor to the top of the page and I would try to write some… I would check my messages… then check my email… and return to my doc to write some more. When that didn’t work, I’d log into one of my writing courses I had online and skip through the modules, looking for a quick fix to get writing again… I’d read one set of instructions, then another, then another. I’d go back to my document, re-read what I wrote and try to rearrange the text— hoping to make it sound better.
Then I’d google for inspiration— and find more overwhelm.
This is what it sounded like in my head: ‘I only have to write one amazing post, then I can use it for everything.’ ‘This is not amazing, try again.’ ‘Maybe I have a message to respond to - no message - no one cares.’ ‘Maybe I can deal with something in my inbox and feel like I accomplished something.’ ‘I seriously can’t write.’
‘What is wrong with me, why can’t I follow instructions.’ ‘All these other people have advice that I can’t seem to apply.’
‘What’s wrong with me?’ ‘If I can’t make this sound amazing, I’m done.’
‘I’m just… not… good… enough.’
Then came the tears that broke the spell I had cast over myself. It didn’t clear all at once, but I had glimpses of light come through the fog in my mind. And I could feel the tension in my body, give a little.
What we believe in the moment is our experience.
What we pay attention to in the mind then resonates in the body. A thought followed by a feeling. That is how we engage with life. When my mind offers a thought like ‘I can’t do this’ my body instantly responds with pressure. I could feel it wrap around me and tighten. Make it just a little harder to breathe.
On some level of my being, I believe that sentence, and when I have that thought, I also experience the energetic charge associated with that thought in my body–as a feeling.
I have another thought of similar frequency, I experience the emotional charge in my body, again.
My mind continues to offer thoughts of similar frequency, one after another, my body continues to feel pressure.
The human mind is designed to be efficient.
And the default course of action is fight or flight. When I started on ‘I can’t do this’ all the thoughts that followed had similar energy— part of the same story. And my mind would continue to offer thoughts of the same frequency because it is the easiest thing to do; I believe the thought to be true, it doesn’t have to be convinced otherwise.
Here is the key: one emotional experience lasts a maximum of 90 seconds. And, the cycle continues as long as I continue to believe my story. I repeat a thought, I continue to experience the sensations in my body. I continue to feel overwhelm— sensations of pressure on my body and my ability to breathe, similar to drowning.
One emotional experience lasts a maximum of 90 seconds
The mind is designed to be efficient and will continue to offer the same type of thought
The default course of action is fight or flight
The terrain of the mind is like sand. And thoughts flow like water over the surface. When thoughts flow in a certain direction, sand gets displaced; thoughts then flow more readily in that direction. With consistent use, the bed gets more defined, but sand continues to shift. The mind has to maintain these pathways.
In order to have thoughts flow in a different direction, you just have to decide to do so. At first, there is resistance, as the flow pattern is established in the sand. But with a bit of attention, you can direct your thoughts to flow in a different direction and establish a new path. The sand gets displaced; thoughts flow more readily in this direction. With consistent use, this bed gets more defined, the sand continues to shift. Changing thought patterns then becomes an engineering problem, not a moral problem.
My plan was to write this post. What I didn’t anticipate at the time were all my stories about my past, expectations based in the outside worlds, and judgments about my ability to do so. I believed them all. I felt them all. I even acted them out. As a result, I sat at my computer with the plan to write about how we are not our thoughts all the while believing my own thoughts about how I can’t.
The moment I cried I broke the spell. Part of me took a step back and saw my actions for what they were, a result of believing my story. We can’t always change the story in the moment, but we can make a plan with higher intentions — decide ahead of time — choose what we want to do.
When we choose to do something new, our mind is unprepared. It doesn’t know how to be efficient on new thoughts, so it reverts to offering what it does know, information from the past, expectations, judgments. It is designed to keep you safe, in fight or flight.
We can prepare for this, anticipate the objections. Since feelings follow thought, anticipate the associated sensations that play out in the body. Remember, they last a maximum of 90 seconds.
Once they pass, choose to flow your thoughts in the direction you intend. Eventually, the flow will shift, and you will achieve what you set your mind to.
How to shift:
Plan ahead
Anticipate the obstacles
Allow the emotion
This was an amazing opportunity to practice awareness from believing my story to changing my story. Awareness is the first step and the rest of the problem is simply a matter of choice. Consistently chosen, it eventually becomes reality.
Want some clarity when it comes to feeling overwhelmed, book a Free Discovery Call, I would love to help you engineer a new experience.
