A Matter of Focus
When we believe past things we experience the past, again. When we believe new things we bring those new things closer. How do we do this? By deciding what we focus on. Sounds too simple?
What we experience comes from what we are thinking, and not from the circumstances that surround us, whether we are aware of it or not. We often attribute what we feel as a result of what is happening, and therefore step away from what we can control in that moment. This is how we see the world by default. Our brain is designed to take care of us, to sense danger and mount an offense, even if its defense.
Then there is a part of us that can imagine, think about what may be possible, a part of us that can see the world from a different perspective. This part of us has the ability to believe in new things, before there is any evidence. Here is where our dreams are born. And we wouldn’t have dreams if we didn’t have the ability to bring them into reality.
And so it is a matter of focus.
It’s a fascinating truth that has been told in many forms over time.
Where focus goes, energy flows.
—Tony Robbins
One day, early spring, my daughter asked if we could get a dog. She said it with ease. She said it so clearly, no pretense, no story, no justification. She had been wanting one for a long time and we had many reasons why we didn’t have a dog. But, in that moment, she knew only one truth, she knew what she most wanted; and the reasons that limited the possibility were simply not present. She was connected to her dream. Her desire came from a place that was beyond her default.
The verbal answer she got started with no. Then more words followed, but none of which sounded like what she was thinking.
When she first made her statement, she was radiant, she was light. She had beautiful, free, soft energy flowing all around her.
As she started to consider the response, words that had been spoken in the past, she started to recall the reasons why we chose not to have a dog. Everything about her started to change. Her words changed, they started to focus on why she couldn’t have a dog. Her energy changed, she started to feel burdened and focused on proving her point. She got agitated because she believed we were not convinced of her reasons over our own. She went on defense.
What you pay attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will grow in your awareness.
—Deepak Chopra
Then she focused on what that meant about her life. She listed many reasons as to how it was unfair that she couldn’t have what she wanted and how others had what they wanted. She spoke faster, moved quicker. She went from thinking about what she wanted most to thinking about the reasons being offered, then to believing that she couldn’t have the thing she wanted most in a matter of seconds.
What changed? Her thoughts — or the source of her thoughts — and everything else inside of her.
It is challenging to see this progression in ourselves, let alone understand that we have agency, and this is where causal coaching comes in. Slowing the process down and understanding how our mind works is the key. Her thoughts in each moment created the emotions she felt, the experience she was having on that walk. When she was thinking about having a dog of her own, she was filled with a sense of pure joy, excitement for the love of a new pet. When she was thinking about how she couldn’t have a dog, she felt frustrated, even defeated by an equal and opposite truth.
What if she didn’t change her focus? What if she stayed with her first thoughts born of love for all things, including herself? What if she didn’t step into her thoughts of how life is unfair - even if it were also true?
In moments like these, the 1998 movie Sliding Doors pops into my mind. It's a romantic comedy starring Gweneth Paltrow. The film alternates between two storylines, showing two paths the central character’s life could take depending on whether she catches or misses the train. I didn’t have the whole story in mind at this moment, but I did clearly see the option to continue believing in what was possible or believing in all the reasons why it was not possible. It was simply a matter of focus.
What if both statements are true and it is simply a matter of focus?
What our brain does here is try to convince us that both possibilities can’t be true at the same time. And so it picks the negative one. The negative thought already has a flavor of fear, and so it is much easier to use it to sound the alarm. In order to establish safety, the brain is efficient in offering thoughts of similar frequency. An example of that would be if it is true today, it will be true tomorrow. If you can’t have a dog now, then you won’t have a dog in the future. Pulled apart like this, we see the error in the statement. But, in the moment, when we entertain one thought and have a somatic experience, our brain responds by offering a whole story to that thought—or just one thought over and over again—until you are convinced that life is unfair and you are not meant to be happy.
To change the state of our being, we have to change what we think and feel.
—Dr. Joe Dispenza
I suggested she stay with her dream about one day having a dog to love instead of believing all the reasons why she doesn’t have a dog today. I offered her an alternative. Not one that says when one is true it will always be true, but if both are true, why not pick the one that feels better?
And she did. We walked on and she started to tell the story that one day she will have her dog to love on, that she may have many dogs to love on, or that she may breed dogs and share them with others, so that they too can have dogs to love on. She filled her mind with details and her heart with love. She even had room for acknowledging that she just doesn’t have a dog now and made peace with that.
What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.
—Oprah Winfrey
We are creative souls. We have dreams. And because we have dreams it is also in us to make those dreams come true. We all have the capacity to imagine the impossible and the opportunity to make those dreams come true. It is a matter of focus. And we use our imagination to create the story, and repeat the story, until our lower brain becomes efficient at telling that story too. Repetition helps build evidence. This lower brain that is designed to keep us alive, and so it tells the story with the most evidence.
Believing new things is how we change our story. Eventually, all parts of us align.
Believe
Practice
Repeat
Understanding how our lower brain works changes everything. It is an essential part of us; without it we would not be alive. But believing the thoughts it has to offer by default will keep us from anything greater than default. It keeps us from feeling better. It keeps us from thriving, more than just surviving. It keeps us from showing up, from living our dream.
It is important to dream, to imagine what may be possible, so that you can recognize when your dreams do come true. A year and some later, on a lark, we picked up a puppy. Looking at the family Christmas card, my daughter says: My dream came true.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
—Wayne Dyer
Believing new things is how we give ourselves direction. Coaching is how we get clarity on what we want, ownership over our power to do so, and the steps to making it happen. See how you can make YOUR dreams come true. I would love to hear from you, book a Free Discovery Call today!
